Avengers #1, "I have one hand free and can still pound my enchanted mallet..."

Hey, what's the deal? Loki hates Thor for putting him on the Asgardian Isle of Silence, which despite the name, one is free to talk as much as they want -- although apparently only in expositional dialogue. His nefarious plan leads to the eventual formation of Earth's Mightiest Heroes. More importantly yet, it leads to much-needed exposure for a loserly team of ham radio enthusiasts led by Hulk sycophant Rick Jones called the Teen-Brigade. Loki's plan (using the poor, innocent, lesbian-looking Incredible Hulk as his patsy) ultimately fails and Hulk, Iron Man, Thor, Ant-Man and The Wasp come together as The Avengers (so named by The Wasp, who waits until the last page of the issue to do something other than long for the Thunder God's loins).

These newly-constituted Avengers, along with their ham-radioed partners in crime-fighting, all go back to Tony's place for punch, cake and grabass to celebrate, although the party is shown off-panel and possibly probably most definitely did not happen at all.

Oh, and the Hulk juggled a horse, seal and elephant while dressed as a clown.

ETC: The amount of dialogue in this issue that is basically just the various characters doing play-by-play of whatever it is they're doing at that moment is absurd. I'm typing this sentence about Avengers #1 while listening to music. Now I'm moving on to talk about another topic.

At one point, Loki is spying on Thor in his human Dr. Donald Blake form and he refers to him as "lame, mild-mannered treater of the sick and injured." I chuckled at his grasp of hip lingo¹ at calling him "lame" until I noticed the walking stick and remembered that ol' Doc Blake is lame in the "get a good parking spot at the mall" way.

It sucks to be Ant-Man and The Wasp. They had to project themselves behind a lens to be seen and find a microphone to be heard. On the plus side, she's completely vapid and he's a major prick so it's probably for the best that most of the time, only insects can hear them².

¹Hey, you know what's not "hip lingo?" The term "hip lingo."
²WORKER ANT: Jesus, give it a rest you two; I can't concentrate on moving this picnic basket with the constant back-and-forth.

MVP: This issue's Most Valuable Player is without question Loki. From his ridiculously convoluted plan, to his sexy bone structure³, he is the straw that stirs the drink. I have a feeling we haven't seen the last of that guy.

³God of Mischief or God of High Cheek Bones? Meow.

MIA: Captain America. It's my understanding that he won't show up 'til Issue 4, and as of Issue 1, he's still, heh heh, "chilling" in a block of ice. Incidentally, I wish I could freeze the insufferable Ant-Man and Wasp in blocks of ice and then use them to chill my delicious Sweet Tea.

WTF: Seriously. What the fuck?