Hey, What's the Deal? After a grueling battle between the Thing and The Hulk (allegedly, anyway. It took place in the pages of the Fantastic Four Annual and I don't subscribe), Tony Stark's mansion is in shambles. And because The Avengers are a bunch of no good assholes, they decide it's the perfect time to disband for some solo time1, leaving Iron Man to clean everything up on his own. Before Tony can create some sort of cleaning robot made from transistors, though, strange shit starts happening. 1Thor goes back to being lame ol' doctor Donald Blake, Ant Man and Wasp are doing something science-y in an ant hill, Captain America is hanging out with, sigh, Rick Jones and his fucking Teen-Brigade and Tony Stark relaxes in his private apartment, enjoying a cigarette while wearing his Iron Man chest plate with matching red shorts.
A weird, mysterious sound begins popping up, first destroying more of Tony's shit at a nearby laboratory. I'd feel bad for the guy if he wasn't loaded2. It causes ants to flee from the ant hill Wasp and Ant Man are in, although who's to say they weren't just using it as an excuse to get away from the stupid bitch complaining about her "delicate complexion?" And lame ol' doctor Donald Blake reads about it in the paper. Not quite as exciting and sexy as the others but what do you expect? He's lame, afterall.
2With money. Loaded with money.
Anyway, It turns out these noises are coming from underground, as a giant Living Rock/Living Stone (they keep going back and forth on what the thing is actually called) is being screwed to the surface by the Lava Men. I had a really fucking choice "Who Let The Dogs Out?" bit to put here but a little research shows that it was the Baja Men that sang that. Also, the same research showed that it's not 2000 anymore. Onwards.
Turns out The Living Rock/Stone will explode if it's struck. Not just a little explosion, either. We're talkin' "Wipe Out the Surface so Lava Men Roam Free" type shit. Fortunately, Ant-Man manages to find the one tiny part of the giant rock that isn't pulsating and deduces that this is the part of that Thor should smash with his hammer. The Wasp muttered, "I'd like to have him smash my pulsating parts with his hammer, Sweetie." but no one heard her because she's the size of a wasp and they all mostly tune her out anyway.
It's a really great plan but Thor becomes temporarily unavailable. I won't bore you with details because why should we both suffer? Oh and hey, did I mention this whole Living Rock business was happening in The Hulk's neck of the woods? You know what that means, don't you? After an issue off, it's another Hulk vs The Avengers battle! Someone fucking shoot me.
This time, however, the Avengers turn that giant sour lime into a glass of Living Rock/Stone-destroying limeade, when they manage to get the Hulk to punch just the right spot on the Living Rock/Stone! The Rock glows and then implodes4. And, I guess that's that. Hulk is blasted far away, reverting back to human form and the Avengers all pat each other on the back for a job well-done. Whatever. Their circle-jerk is short-lived though when an urgent message comes in from those stupid ham radio kids. Condition red, so you just know that shit's gonna be serious.
4Much like it did when it first read the script for The Tooth Fairy.
ETC: They printed a letters page! And one of the letters is very "something you would read on a message board in 2010" as the writer talks about the inconsistencies in drawing the Hulk -- sometimes he has three toes, sometimes four, sometimes five -- and also mentions the fact that Rick Jones totally got Hulk's secret identity wrong. Just a glaring fuck-up. Do they reference it in their reply? Do they dish out this nerd a No-Prize and a "my bad?" No! They just say "We can't decide HOW many toes Hulk should have! What do YOU guys think?" and move on to the next letter, which of course is effusive in praise.
MVP: Giant-Man. He's so exhausted at the top of the issue, he just wants to shrink down to Ant-Man size so he can ride a couple of bugs home instead of walking. That's the kind of laziness I can really get behind, Pym.
MIA: The end of the last issue promised me Super-Thrills. I did not see a single one.
WTF: You just know if Iron Man didn't interrupt, Rick was going to follow-up with "No, I meant when you fell from heaven. ;-)"
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