Booze, Boobs and Robot Boots No. 4: Tales of Suspense 42

What's happening? Apparently, Tony Stark is an agent of the FBI now, and he's working undercover to bring down cells of Soviet spies. He also has time to invent a disintegration ray, but not go on any dates. Across the world, the Red Barbarian, the meanest Soviet in three issues, is pretty annoyed he hasn't stolen the plans for the disintegration ray. Luckily, the perfect plan falls right in his lap, as The Actor appears. The Actor is capable of impersonating anyone. He dresses up as Tony and sneaks into Tony's office to steal the plans.

Somehow the Actor links some gold mechanical parts he finds in Tony's office (my guess? Transistors) to Iron Man, to figure out that Mr. Stark is actually Iron Man. He keeps this under his hat to use as a leverage later. He mentions it in his internal dialogue about a dozen times.

The Actor books back to Russia and leaves his henchmen to assassinate Stark. Tony's too wily, of course, and he manages to load up on a rocket ship to Russia. Once there, he uses an elaborate scheme to steal back the plans and set up The Actor as The Traitor. Iron Man's real identity is a secret that dies with The Actor.

ETC: In the opening pages, Tony disguises himself as a prototype A-Bomb the Soviets have stolen, then busts out, slings some tiny transistors and wins the day. This, of course, sets off the Red Barbarian, who is some sorta gap-toothed, hilljack with a chest full of medals and a seriously bad temper. Not only does Red Barbarian kick everyone's ass for the sole reason of not being insanely awesome, at one point he lays a guy out by throwing an entire ham at him.

Also, Tony is obsessed with flashlights. I guess having your ass saved by one helps, but Tony also made mortars flashlight-shaped, and now a disintegration ray. He tests this new weapon for the amassed generals (who I assume are Tony's entourage, but I suppose could be his military backers) by destroying a tank. I don't want to be an ass to a guy who just invented a disintegration ray, either, but c'mon, somebody needs to say something. Tanks ain't cheap, asshole.

MVP: Anyone in the employ of the Red Barbarian. Holy shit, this guy is a beast. After knocking out a dude with food, he goes after the next guy with a goblet of what I can only assume is the blood of an innocent. And these guys are his friends. When he has nothing else to kick ass with, he pulls out a revolver and just starts firing off shots. When Tony tricks the Red Barbarian into thinking The Actor betrayed the Soviets, old Red here smacks the dude around for a bit THEN has the poor guy shot.

MIA: Boobs. This is the first issue we weren't regaled with how good looking Tony is and how women are lined up for just a chance to sit in the same Outback Steakhouse booth with him and share a Bloomin' Onion. This is a sausage fest issue in comparison to the first three.

WTF: The Actor leaves his Russian pals in Tony's office to kill Stark, but when they fire on Stark, the bullets bounce off of Tony's awesome, portable iron-lung chest piece. He shuts off the lights, turns into Iron Man and beats everyone into pulp. Then he bear hugs and shakes a professional, trained Russian spy, and Ivan coughs up everything. One single panel of unimaginative torture and the Ruskie is squealing. If this is how Russian spies operated then no wonder we kicked ass in the Cold War.

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