Previously on The Avengers: Holy shit you guys, The Wasp got shot!!
Hey, What's the Deal: Will she die?! It's a desperate race against the clock, as the Avengers somehow end up fighting aliens deep below the North Pole because the only man who can save The Wasp (some kind of scientist who has made advancements in lungs or something. Lung transistors? Is that a thing?) has seemingly been captured by the otherworldly invaders. Man, thank God the people that needed the guy were equipped to liberate him -- our Avengers friends -- and not some poor bastard regular Joe trying to save his little Billy with bronchitis.
(they save her bud dont worry)
(billy's deader than shit though)
ETC: So Thor flies across the globe to find famed lung guy Dr. Svenson in Norway. Dr. Svenson's in the middle of some important beaker-mixing shit when Thor barges in, so he's not super into his demands that they immediately fly back to America to save some chick. Thor's not doing himself any favors, referring to Svenson as both "Impatient One" and "Obstinate One" in back-to-back panels1. You catch more flies with honey, Entitled One. Anyway, Thor strong arms the guy back to the Big Apple, aaaaaaand then Giant Man almost immediately accidentally kills him. Fuckin' guy's face just slides right off, revealing an alien underneath who proceeds to instantly choke and die. Way to go, Hank.
Turns out, the alien race known as the Kallusians - which I'm 100% convinced Stan Lee named when he saw a newspaper headline referring to "collusion" - have been hiding out on Earth, licking their wounds after taking heavy losses in an intergalactic war. They happened upon Dr. Svenson who was doing some research up at the North Pole and he jumped at the opportunity to help them with their little inability-to-breathe-our-air/insta-death problem, what with him being a lung doctor and all (what a lucky break!). This is all on the up and up, mind you: These guys were a peaceful race, dragged into a space conflict they didn't want to be in, and hiding out in the isolated North Pole, getting help from a person more than willing to help. And here come the Avengers to fuck it all up. They rough up the Kallusians, show no sympathy for their plight and basically strong-arm them into giving up the doctor and taking back off into space. All to save The Wasp, who honestly, isn't even worth the trouble2!
Anyway, the Kallusians send the Avengers and Dr. Svenson back to New York via matter displacer device (the science checks out), then head back out into outer space where they were probably completely obliterated3.
But hey, at least the fifth most important Avenger (of five) is gonna be okay.
MVP: Driven from their planet of Kallu, third from the Kallu-Kan sun, the brave Kallusians4 found themselves crashed on a foreign planet, hiding from an endless battle they were unequipped to win. Keeping to themselves, they built a sprawling, beautiful city deep below the North Pole. They learned english by watching our television programs and listening to our radio shows. In order to survive, they formed a strong partnership with an Earth doctor, who helped them breathe this planet's air. He was well-taken care of; they were honest and trustworthy. A group of costumed, back-biting, hotheaded thugs then found their way to their home, roughed up countless of their numbers and blackmailed them into handing over their doctor friend. Oh and, finally, forced them into space to fight a battle they were not yet fully prepared to engage in and probably totally lost. #PrayForKallu
WTF:
Were they actually looking towards heaven? Or was ash and debris from the eradicated Kallusian fleet falling from space?
Also, fuck off about strong men not crying. You showed us a literal giant of a man having a sobbing tantrum in a hospital waiting room floor just a few pages prior.
CHANGE BACK TO NORMAL SIZE, HANK, OR YOU'RE GONNA ALICE IN WONDERLAND-STYLE DROWN THESE PEOPLE IN YOUR TEARS5!
1 Also used in this issue: Insolent One. Rash One. Giant One.↩
2 Wasps have an average lifespan of 12-22 days, according to my extensive research. Janet Van Dyne's gotta be at least 20 YEARS old at this point. She's had her time↩
3 The Watcher shows up at the end to tie a bow on the story, although he's very coy and doesn't reveal what happened to the Kallusians, instead focusing on the twist of fate that by showing up to try and save The Wasp, the Avengers prevented the Earth from being destroyed in a space war. He also said that the power of prayer is the greatest force in the galaxy. Eat shit, Uatu.↩
4 The Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe describes the Kallusians cultural traits as honest, courageous and peseverance. The Avengers cultural traits are sassiness, distrust and smugness↩
5
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