Hey, What's the Deal? The Avengers are breaking up? What? No! What about the blog? Oh wait, turns out they're actually not breaking up. How does Stan Lee have any of his precious "True Believers" left when all the man does is lie to our faces?Anyway, Baron Zemo steps up to the plate again, 0 for 3 so far on the year. And since his particular brand of Nazi justice (I guess?) hasn't worked out so great, Zeems decides to embrace that wonderful American ideal: Outsourcing. He (along with alliterative jobbers Enchantress and Executioner) sit back and let newcomer Immortus1 do their dirty work. But Immortus is more of a middle-management type so he calls upon some of history's great warriors2 to assist him. Lots of delegation in this issue.
1 I made the mistake of reading Immortus' wikipedia entry. I really wish I hadn't. Who knew his most dangerous power would be his convoluted history?
2 Goliath (of "David and" fame), Merlin (of "King Arthur's Court" fame), Atilla the Hun (of "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure" fame3) and Paul Bunyan (of, uh, "I have a blue ox" fame).
3 Further research shows that it was actually Genghis Khan in the movie. I will not print a retraction.
Well, guess what? It doesn't matter who you send at this team of heroes, history ain't got shit on the Avengers. And so the issue ends just like they all seem to: Baron Zemo is defeated, the Avengers are united and I have a dull throbbing pain in my head.
ETC: The, ugh, Rick Jones/Captain America romance gets some brief play at the beginning of the issue, when Iron Man brings up the fact that Rick should get a costume and be a full-fledged Avenger. Cap, much like me reading at home, tells Shellhead to pump the fucking brakes and that it's Cap's decision if and when Rick comes aboard full-time. When Rick presses him, Cap gives him some line about still carrying a lot of guilt about Bucky and they'll talk about it later. Hey, RJ? Why don't you leaf through this when you get a chance?
Period Watch: Still nary a period to be found. Really gave the tender scene between Rick and Cap an uncomfortably aggressive undercurrent.
MVP: Captain America. He kicks ass this issue, including storming the Tower of London in 1760 (don't ask) to rescue Rick (I just asked you not to ask! Come on). This assault on the Tower takes place completely off-panel. I fully expect a letter complaining about this in a future mailbag, which will be answered with something like, "Hey, when you pack so much amazing Marvel action in one issue, some stuff has to be left out!" even though the real reason is probably because mega-hack Stan Lee didn't know anything about the Tower of London other that it was a Tower in London4.
4 It is, r-right?
WTF:
Jesus, don't let Rick see this.
According to Stan Lee, every historical figure speaks in the exact same bombastic faux-Middle Ages verbiage that he thinks Norse gods like Thor speak.
ReplyDeleteIt was especially jarring hearing PAUL BUNYAN, American folk legend, say shit like, "You dare speak thus about Paul Bunyan, little flea? Immortus has ordered me to crush you!"
I don't even know where to begin pointing out all the things horribly wrong with this.
Excelsior!